Nerves, nerves are shot.

Nerves, nerves are shot

Screaming, excruciating violence shooting through my head, every single thread of nerve an agony weaving, vibrating through my head, my body to my toes. Shingles!

Listen to me, you WILL listen to me, you WILL stop until I am heard the nerves say.

Darkened room, eyes closed, meditating through as the pain comes, overwhelms and goes, comes and goes.

Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.

Breathing consumes me, swallows me up. Days, weeks go by.

Love pours in, my golden man, dreams, food, words, wishes flow, surround and cocoon me. I am loved, I am loving, I am love.

And then, and then, one moment and then another, I am aware that I am not the breather breathing, controlling breath and pain. Now, slowly, breath is happening, sensations arising, passing away, arising and passing away, surrendering to the natural pulse, the rhythms of being. I am home in my body again.

Such a relief. To be in my fragile, quiet, subtle, sensitive, so sensitive, sensing animal body.

And I had been so doing my best to be calming & protecting but there was another deeper level to go. So, my body, you took me there, back there. To rebalance, to restore, to begin again.

A turning point.

I am listening. I have begun and will do what it takes to live this being a human animal. Breathing in, breathing out, attuning, belonging, flowing in the rhythm and pulse of the natural world.

Returning to life.